


Wufei's Video Night

by Odamaki



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Bar, Crack, Dirty Jokes, Drinking, Drunken hijinks, Everyone's a good freind, Gen, Hangover, Long-suffering Wufei, Nightclub, chat format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odamaki/pseuds/Odamaki
Summary: It's party night. Two bars, a club and karaoke, and once again, Wufei draws the short straw as designated driver. For his own amusement he records the evening and posts it to a not-so-secret WhatsApp group for the G-girls. Hijinks ensue.





	Wufei's Video Night

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a series of prompts/headcanons by Robo-Rad and originally posted piecemeal on Tumblr.

**Video Night**

 

These were the rules: Ten five-dollar bets. Whoever made the least in winnings would be designated driver. 

Result? Wufei. 

It is always Wufei. 

It doesn’t matter if it is poker, horses, the goddamn weather on a given day, he’s never lucky when it comes to gambling. 

And as Duo points out, Wufei can’t fucking drink and hates bars anyway, so this is karma’s way of maintaining the natural party order. 

Or as Quatre (more sympathetically) points out, Wufei doesn’t strictly speaking have to join in on the betting. Wufei reminds himself of this frequently, but Barton and Yuy are unholy terrors when it comes to pushing his buttons and anyway, here they all are. 

Saturday night. 7pm. 

The line up: 

1) Daddy’s Shoes; a home away from home for Duo and Heero, generally not too crowded and cheap enough to pre-game heavily before moving onto anywhere more expensive. The name is misleadingly exciting for how tame it is. 

2) The Bullring. Mega-bar. Bars with no fewer than six bartenders behind them, set in an oval around a heaving morass of tables and a central stage. Live music on Saturdays, although Duo is already bitching about the setlist. 

3) TBC, depending on sobriety and timing. Possibly Bar Riga, Houdini’s if there’s still money in the bank, or the Junction if they fancy slumming it. Definitely NOT Sugar, no matter how much Barton pesters. Not after last halloween. Wufei’s fairly sure at least one of them is barred. 

4) Big Wave Karaoke. Old staple; free-flowing all you can drink offer; probably shots. 

5) They’ll all be drunk so Wufei’s choice, depending on what they bitch for. Possibly Taco Sam’s, definitely not Easy-Wok. 

Voyeurs to this boy’s night out- the ladies, occupying a not-so-secret WhatsApp group. It is not intended for this express purpose, but it keeps Wufei sane and he’s generous with his blackmail material. 

Besides, Dorothy is a solid gold hook-up for gossip from the other side and turnabout is fair play. 

This evening;

Relena, saddled with the delights of a policy review. Ensconced at Chez Darlian, no doubt up to the chin in fuzzy bathrobe and manilla envelopes by 7:30PM at the latest. Ardent follower. 

Catherine, knocked back several hours due to timezones, thus running mid-afternoon chores throughout this debacle. 

Sally, on night duty. Should probably not be checking her phone as much as she will be. 

Dorothy, a lady of mystery. Her doings are her own business, Chang, and he can damn well keep his nose out if he likes how it looks. 

Hilde, on the long haulage run between Earth and the bum end of L3. The ship’s on autopilot, but that doesn’t necessarily allow the driver’s seat to be empty. 

Une, not officially invited, invisible, and will scarcely dare breathe on the chat in case Yuy realises she’s there, but _very much enjoy it all anyway._  

____

**Cathy B**

Hey, what have I missed?

 

**Relena Darlian**

Nothing. Although I spilt cocoa on one of my papers. Whoops. Nothing vital at least. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

So that’s why you can’t put that kind of engine in like that the weight would just crush the axels

 

**D.C.**

More reason to have a big car.

 

**Cathy B**

They haven’t gone out yet? I’ve lost track of what time it is over there. 

 

**D.C.**

I thought you had a watch set to European Standard?

 

**Cathy B**

I HAD a watch. Dropped it in a water bucket when I was cleaning the stable. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

Wufei hasn’t come online yet to say what’s happening. Maybe they’re already at the first bar. 

 

**D.C.**

What a glamorous life you lead

 

**Cathy B.**

Get as big a car as you want Dorothy. My truck will still make scrap of it in a head to head

 

**D.C.**

I love it when you get rough with me

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

It’s only 7pm Cathy so also way too early for you to be flirting Dorothy

 

**D.C.**

I had a business lunch. There was a lot of wine involved. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

That was hours ago! 

 

**D.C.**  

…TWO business lunches. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

You are a liar Dorothy Catalonia.

 

**Relena Darlian**

How is the Finance Minister, incidentally?　

 

**D.C.**

Nowhere near as sober as I am.  

____

 

[Video]

_Wufei, speaking from off camera, wandering around a kitchen; various shots of the counter._ We haven’t left yet. The peacocks are still fluffing in the bathroom. Do you want to see? They’ve been in there for I don’t know… a geological era or two. 

_The camera leaves the kitchen passes down a short hall to where light spills through a doorway. Loud noises of a hairdryer and tap running at the same time._

Wufei, _over the noise_ : Say hello. 

Duo _, toothbrush in his mouth:_ Fuck offffff- fuck. _Hastily mops toothpaste foam off his chest._

Wufei: Smooth. Aren’t you two ready yet? 

Trowa, _turning hairdryer off_ : Perfection can’t be rushed. 

Wufei: It can be dragged to the car. 

Trowa: A ha ha ha. That’s funny because it’ll never happen. 

Wufei: Don’t aggravate the man who will be responsible for your dumb ass when it’s too drunk to tell which way is home. 

Trowa: Perfection maybe needs five more minutes?  

_______

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Lmao omg anyone else get as far as fluffing and wonder what the heck was going to happen?

 

**Cathy B.**

Oh god. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

Hilde!

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

DID YOU?

 

**Chang Wufei**

Why?

 

**D.C.**

No one tell him

 

**Chang Wufei**

Tell me what?

 

**Cathy B**

Hilde how can you talk about fluffing and then use heck just say fuck like everyone else 

 

**Chang Wufei**

What’s wrong with ‘fluffing’? 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Just trying to stay classy cathy. Fluffing is a porno thing Wufei

 

**Chang Wufei**

I see. 

 

**Cathy B**

Every day is an education, Wufei. More to the point are we going to mention the fact that -Relena- knew about fluffing?

 

**Relena Darlian**

I didn’t. I just had the sense to Google rather than ask. 

 

**D.C.**

How did that work out for you?

 

**Relena Darlian**

I have safe-search turned on. No regrets. 

______

 

[Video]

_Image of Heero slouched in a lounge chair, looking bored._

Wufei: So far I have one, _image pans to Quatre in another chair, waving_ , two people ready to leave. _Raising his voice_ Duo can’t find any of his shit- AGAIN. And we’ve lost Trowa. 

Quatre, off camera: He went to change his shoes because it’s going to rain later.

Wufei, sighing: Of course he did. Please note, Heero is currently my favourite because he didn’t bother to get changed at all. Drink that in. _Image pans over Heero, who is wearing slightly battered looking jeans, but the usual tank top. Heero vaguely gestures to himself for the benefit of the camera._

Heero: It’s just a bar.

Quatre: You should at least take a coat. It’s going to rain later. 

Heero, with a dead stare into the camera: No. 

Quatre: How come I’m not your favourite? I was really quick. 

_Image pans back to Quatre. There is a pause._

Wufei: Because every damn shirt you own is really pink. 

____

 

**Relena Darlian**

Tell that boy to take a jacket!!

 

**Cathy B**

Trowa walks around half naked most the time he’ll be fine. 

 

**Cathy B**

They’re made of rocks. 

 

**D.C.**

Oh ho ho ho does he now

 

**Relena Darlian**

Wufei tell Heero I say he should take a jacket. 

 

**Chang Wufei**

I’m not wasting my breath. 

 

**Cathy B**

Shut it

 

**Chang Wufei**

???

 

**Cathy B**

Not you

 

**D.C.**

Oh ho ho ho 

 

**Chang Wufei**

Maxwell finally found whatever the fuck he was looking for, we can leave the house. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

At least put an umbrella in the car?

___

[Photograph]

_The exterior of a small bar set at the corner of the street. A neon sign blazes, just about legible with the words ‘Daddy’s Shoes’._

____

**Hilde Schbeker**

Its all gone very quiet

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Did you all go? :(

 

**Relena Darlian**

I’m still here. Sorry, trying to process all these documents. How are you <3

 

**D.C.**

Still here. Nothing interesting will happen until Barton’s had shots. Speaking of, are we laying bets on?

 

**Cathy B**

It’s not a bet that stupid beanpole will get in a bar fight 

 

**Cathy B**

That’s a guarantee 

 

**Cathy B**

Brb gotta unload the truck

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

I bet they’re going to stop for shawarma on the way home. Duo was going on about shawarma earlier this week and he’s a hungry drunk. 

 

**D.C.**  

No dice. Wufei hates shawarma. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

I’ve never seen any of them eat shawarma

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Who hates shawarma????

 

**Relena Darlian**

Wait, I’ve seen Quatre and Heero eat kebabs once.  

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

WHO HATES SHAWARMA???

_____

[Video]

_Wufei, sitting down with a sigh in a banquette of a pub. General loud hubbub going on._

Wufei: We’re in the second bar. Uh… The Derry. They have a pool table. They sell drinks by the pint, the shot, or the pitcher. Duo has bought… all of the above. _Holds up a set of keys_. Already dropping his shit everywhere.

_Wufei pauses_

Wufei: I’m waiting for Heero to realise we’re not in The Bullring, but he’s had about three- _is jostled_ three uh…

_Quatre slowly wriggles into shot next to him._

Quatre: Hii _waving at the camera. Slow blinking._

Wufei: … Hello. What are you doing, hm?

Quatre, _pressing his cheek against Wufei’s to squeeze into the frame more_ : Cheeeese!

Wufei: I’m not taking a picture.

Quatre: _reaches up and pats Wufei’s other cheek._ Smile!

_Wufei looks at the camera. Gives up. Smiles._

___

 

**S. Po**

Evening all. I see things are off to a good start!

 

**Relena Darlian**

Sally!! <3<3<3 

 

**D.C.**

Winner is already getting drunk and soppy. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Hey Sally! 

 

**S. Po**

Haha hope you don’t mind. I have company. Noin’s with me.

 

**Relena Darlian**

Lucrezia!!! <3<3<3

 

**Cathy B**

Back. Just watched the vid. Aww. 

 

**D.C.**

How come I never get greeted ‘Dorothy!!<3<3<3’???

 

**Relena Darlian**

I see you all the time. Constantly. 

 

**D.C.**  

Charming. 

___

[Video]

_Image, Duo sitting on a bar stool by the pool table effusively talking to Heero, idly feeling at his own right shoulder.  Background- Trowa and Quatre playing pool. loud music, none of the conversation can be heard. Heero is nodding along, already half toasted._

_Duo’s hand now patting at his right shoulder, feeling around. Suddenly, more urgently, looking for something. Duo looking around his shoulder, clearly mouthing ‘the fuck?!’ in a panic._

_Heero reaches out and tweaks Duo’s braid. On the_ left _shoulder. Duo grabs it. And relax._

Wufei: This dumbass keeps loosing his own fucking hair. 

____

 

[Video]

_Image of the alley behind the bar, maybe. Mostly just an expanse of brick wall filmed from a distance and Trowa and Duo stood in front of it.Their conversation is blurred out to nothing by the music in the background, but it’s some kind of friendly argument. Duo is gesticulating at length, Trowa is listening, but evidently doesn’t believe a word of it. He’s amused. He unfolds his arms as Duo gets ever more passionate in his rant. Trowa shifts his weight to one leg, and extends the point of his other foot like a dancer. Duo is reaching the pinnacle of his oration. The image shakes slightly as Wufei chuckles._

_Slowly, Trowa lifts his leg. And lifts it. And keeps going. Duo starts stumbling his words, distracted, and then grinds to a complete halt as Trowa completes his vertical splits._

_A short pause before Duo throws his arms up in the air._

Duo: What kind of fucking argument is that!??

____

[Video]

_Image of the ally behind a bar, dumpsters parked against a tall, old, wooden fence, slight view of a fire escape and about half of Trowa in shot. Unintelligible background shouting, muffled thumping music._

_Image swivels to Wufei’s face, judgey af. He shakes his head slightly at the camera._

_Image swivels back to the alley. The fence starts shaking. Duo appears from the nearside running_ on top of _the fence, gets three of four paces before pitching over sideways with a yelp and vanishing over the other side of the fence._

_Trowa, out of shot, laughing his ass off._

Wufei, calling out: I’m not driving you to A&E! 

____

[Video]

Wufei, whispering: Leaving the second bar. F _ootage of a street, lit, the others ambling along ahead of him, Duo expounding on something to Trowa._ Any minute now…Ladies and Gentleman, the Maxwell Dance.

_Duo feels at his left buttock then the right buttock, then back to the left but inside the jeans pocket this time. Repeat on the right. Stops to pat down his chest, wriggles around to get his hands in his front jeans pockets, takes them out again. Flaps open one side of his jacket, delves a hand in, elbow chicken-flapping. Throws his hands up and stamps._

Duo: The fuck? Again!? Argghhh! Fuck! 

Wufei, _whispering, pans down to his hand, holding a wallet_ :He left it on the bar.

___

[Photograph]

_A queue outside of a black box nightclub, trailing down the street. The sign is black and white - Houdini’s. Pink lights twinkle here and there across the front of the building._

______

_[Photograph]_

_Photo of Quatre standing against a poster advertising a DJ. The top half of it is pink and the lower half is dark, maybe black. His outfit blends with it almost perfectly._

_Caption: We have a chameleon in our midst._

______

 

**D.C.**

Why are they hanging around on the street?

 

**Cathy B.**

You’re kidding right? They have to line up to get in.

 

**D.C.**

…Like at school? Why not just go to the, Oh I don’t know… The Door? 

 

**Cathy B.**  

Words are failing me right now.

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

They’re probably not on the door list. If you try and go to the door and you’re not on the list, then they stop you. 

 

**D.C.**

There’s a list? I just walk through the door. No one’s ever tried to stop me.

 

**Relena Darlian**

That’s because even bouncers value their lives. 

 

**Cathy B.**

Must be nice. I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere they let me just walk through the door. 

 

**D.C.**

Outrageous. 

 

**D.C.**

You’re a goddam VIP Catherine Bloom and don’t you forget it.

 

**Cathy B.**

(;w;)

_____

[Video]

_Somewhat shaky footage; the camera’s being jostled by a crowd who are gathering around a dance floor, music is blaring. Trowa is visible above the crowd. The camera pushes it’s way through the last few people to the front. Trowa is visibly pissed off, squaring up to a stranger - typical nightclub dudebro, white t-shirt, new jeans. Various onlookers getting riled up._

Wufei, _shouting above the noise, but otherwise very calm:_ So, this is unfortunate…

_Dudebro is shouting and posturing._

Wufei: Honestly, not sure who I’m cheering for. Crowd’s with the fratboy, I think. Money’s down on Trowa for starting it. Every time… Ah, yeah, there’s Quatre.

_Camera zooms beyond the fight to Quatre on the sidelines, anxiously trying to wave Trowa away from trouble_

Wufei:  Dumbass flirt. _Zooms back to Trowa._ Dumbass hero complex. _Pans to the dudebro._ Dumbass in general. 

Duo, _off camera_ : Dude, you gonna break this up? That guy’s gonna get hurt. Should I get in there?

Wufei: Yeah, I know. No. I’ll sort it out. _Jostling. Image pans to Heero also watching the fight. He’s blank-faced and red-eyed; he’s drunk._ Heero, go get Trowa.  

_Heero grunts. He walks through the crowd, across the dance floor. Without pausing just bodily picks Trowa up over his shoulder before anyone can react and carts him off, Quatre scuttling behind apologising._

Duo, off camera: …You’re a good pal, Wufei.

Wufei: I try.

___

 

**Cathy B.**

I called it. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

I’m dying.

 

**S. Po**

Remind me to call on Heero next time I need my carpet moving.

 

**D.C.**

Oh ho ho ho ho

 

**S. Po**

NOT LIKE THAT. 

 

**D.C.**

I’m screaming. Oh Sally-

 

**Relena Darlian**

I’m always surprised Quatre causes so much trouble. He’s so prim when he’s sober.

 

**D.C.**

As prim as one gets when you own an army and have killed people. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

You know what I mean!

 

**D.C**

Winner’s devious. Never underestimate him. Angel in the streets, demon in the cockpit/bar. 

 

**S, Po.**

No comment on his sheets?-L

 

**D.C.**

He’s never let me near them. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

I’m dying. Sally’s right. Tro looked like a big roll of carpet over Heero’s shoulder hahaha

 

**D.C.**

Hilde, have you ever moved anyone’s carpet?

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Don’t think so? I don’t really deal with that kind of stuff. Helped a man move his trunk once? 

 

**Cathy B**

Oh sweetheart. No. 

 

**D.C.**

I Am ScreAMinG! 

___

 

[Video]

_Wobbling image of a dashboard that rights as the camera is juggled in one hand._

Wufei: So we just left Houdini’s. Just to recap; I have a car full of idiots. Trowa is competing for the gold medal as we speak. 

_Image swivels to the right to the empty passenger seat and then back to Wufei’s face._

Wufei: If found, please return when sober. Meanwhile, this idiot-

_Camera swivels to the backseat, Duo slouched in the corner, head agains the window._

Duo: Noooo…

Wufei: Say it.

Duo: Nooo……

Wufei: Say it, or I’ll stop the car.

Duo: I fell in a biiiiin…. _(giggling from out of shot, not Wufei)_

Wufei: This idiot fell in a bin. From a fence. And this idiot-

_Camera moves down one to Heero, red-eyed and drunk-glazed._

Wufei: Where’s your napkin, Heero?

_Heero slowly raises a hand dangling a paper napkin. More giggling out of shot._

Wufei: That’s got the answer, right? To the meaning of life? 

Heero, seriously: Yes. 

_Camera swivels back to Wufei’s face._

Wufei: It’s written in pool chalk, and all it says is ‘eggs’. And Quatre, tell us, what did you do at the last bar?

_Camera turns on Quatre, who is absolutely fucking_ delighted _with himself. He holds up three fingers, almost falling out his seat._

Quatre: I got FOUR!

_Image returns to Wufei. He shakes his head. A real, ‘you see what I have to deal with?’ expression._

Quatre, off-screen: Four numbers! And a dollar!

Wufei: Four numbers and a dollar. Fuck it, we’re going to Karaoke.

____

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

God why don’t we ever go to karaoke?

 

**D.C.**

None of you can sing.

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

None of THEM can sing

 

**S. Po.**

Wufei can sing.

 

**Relena Darlian**

Sorry, what? 

 

**Cathy B**

I always suspected he took part at karaoke but the evidence always mysteriously absent so I assumed he was awful. 

 

**S Po.**

Nope. He got drunk at the end of year party we had and some of the juniors goaded him into doing karaoke and turned out the joke was on them. He’s actually pretty good. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

What did he sing?

 

**S. Po**. 

That was the funniest thing. They set him up with some old rap song. You know the kind. Fast, lots of swearing. 

 

**S. Po.**

Word. Perfect. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Ok that’s nice but when are WE doing karaoke?

 

**S. Po.**

I could do karaoke -L

 

**Cathy B.**

I’m down if I can make it. 

 

**D.C.**

I’ll send helicopters for you if you can’t. 

 

**Relena Darlian**

Yeah, we’re making this girl’s night happen. I’ve opened a share calendar. Everyone enter dates. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

YEssssssssss

____

 

[Video]

_Image of a parking lot at night, viewed through the windscreen of the car. Perspective tilts slowly to show the sign of a fast-food restaurant._

Wufei, hoarse: We got drive-through. Also, look what the cat dragged to karaoke. 

_Pans to show Trowa in the front seat, mouth full of taco. He frowns._

Wufei: Kids, everyone having a good time in the back?

_Pans to show the backseat, Duo scowling over his takeout, elbowing Heero’s hand away._

Duo: C’mon man, stop. I’m trying to eat. Both of you. Quit it! 

Heero, with the voice of death: Give me the sweet potato fries. 

Wufei (of out shot), _sighs._ : Quatre’s being good. _Pans to Quatre perched on the edge of the seat, picking food from the bag in his lap._ Don’t spill chipotle in my car. 

Quatre, giggling, licking sauce from his fingers, sing-song: I won’t, Wufeiii-

Wufei: You behave. 

Quatre, fluttering eyelashes: Wufeiiii- _Reaches across the space_

_The image jostles to show the ceiling of the car._

Wufei (out of shot, urgently): No- you’re sticky! 

 

____

 

[Video]

_A parking lot, exterior to the car but clearly filmed through the open front passenger door. Everyone except Wufei is sitting on a low wall, still eating, mostly slowly, mostly hunched over a bit._

Wufei: So SOMEONE spilt chipotle in my car so now we have to sit in the cold.

Quatre: I’m sorry! 

Wufei: Bad children do not get to eat in my car. Only I get to eat in the car. _Pans down the wall to Trowa. Image pauses, Trowa looks incredibly grumpy, taco lolling from one hand_. Are you ok, Trowa? 

_Trowa, leaning on his hand, a touch muffled,_ Fine. 

Wufei: Sure?

Trowa: I’m just fucking hungry… why can’t we get tacos?

Wufei: You’re holding a taco right now. 

_Trowa looks at his hand, at the taco, at Wufei, at the taco again._

Trowa: This is real?

____

 

[Video]

_More footage shot from the open front passenger door, but a different location. A kerbside. The indicator is flashing orange and clicking. Heero is crouched over his own knees at the gutter, Wufei next to him. Heero makes a little retching motion._

_Duo, muffled from the back:_ Did he actually yak?

_Quatre, likewise:_ I don’t wanna look.

_Wufei is talking to Heero, bent over slightly with his back to the camera, hand on Heero’s shoulder, bottle of water in his other hand. Heero shakes his head. The camera zooms in a bit. More talking. The camera zooms in, and in, and in, until Wufei’s butt fills the screen._

_A blur_

Wufei, _off camera,_ _yelling from a distance:_ Can you NOT? 

_Trowa laughing_

____

**Hilde Schbeker**

Anyone still awake? Oh my god, have you seen these vids?

 

**Cathy B.**

I’m still here. I think Relena fell asleep. Don’t know about the rest. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Your clown is a riot.

 

**Cathy B.**

I know. The big lug. We’re very fond of him. 

 

**Hilde Sheibeker**

God I want tacos now. 

 

**Cathy B.**

Haha I’m making dinner. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Oooh what’s cookin good-lookin? 

 

**Cathy B.**

Leftover hash and beans. I’ll drown out the taste with beer. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

I’m eating a marshmallow teacake, and I’ve got one of those easy-heat baggies of rice n peas. 

 

**Cathy B.**

Shit, who needs Michelin stars huh? 

____

[Video] 

_A poorly lit shot of Wufei’s face. He’s changed clothes, some kind of thick sweater. It’s indoors, he’s sat, curled up on something, a sofa maybe._

Wufei: It’s about… five? In the morning? We’re home. _Rubs his eyes_. No one actually puked. No one had to be carried into the house, Maxwell, you think I’ve forgotten last Halloween? I have not. _Looks tiredly at the camera_. Anyway. Kids are all in bed. They were good. No arguments. Two even cleaned their teeth. Which is… I don’t think that’s ever happened. _Scratches his jaw_. And I’m just… _pauses. A door creaks somewhere off-camera…_ waiting… 

_Soft sound of footsteps. Vague shape of someone approaching the sofa._

Quatre, _out of shot, sad voice_ : I want a glass of water…

Wufei, _mouthing at the camera_ : There’s always one.

____

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Are they all good now?

 

**Chang Wufei**

I think they’re asleep. I’m not going in to check. 

 

**Chang Wufei**

Maxwell ate two bean burritos. 

 

**Cathy B.**  

Jesus. Crack a window. 

 

**Chang Wufei**

Too much effort. They'll survive. Barton survived space. 

 

**S. Po.**

How come you’re still awake? You should get some sleep. 

 

**Chang Wufei**

I’m waiting for my ears to stop ringing. Everything was very loud…

 

**Cathy B.**

Well I’m going to hit the hay in 10. It’s been fun, guys. 

 

**Hilde Schbeker**

Night Cathy. I might go do a round of the ship then my cargo checks. Noodles!

 

**Chang Wufei**

???

 

**Hilde Sheibeker**

*Toodles

 

**Chang Wufei:**

???

 

**S. Po.**  

Go to sleep Chang.

 

**Chang Wufei**

Ugh. Good night. 

 

**S. Po.**

Good morning you mean :)

 

**Chang Wufei**

U g h

___

 

[Video]

_Apartment interior near front door, the camera is moving as someone walks, holding it in front of them. Sound of bare feet on hard wood._

Wufei: It is Saturday morning… mail’s here. G _rabs letters from the floor and tosses them onto a side table. Moving purposefully through the apartment._

Wufei: and… it’s just about eight A.M. _pushes open a door into a dark room, there’s a vague shape of a bed and some lumps strewn around on it and on the floor. camera moves straight towards the window._

Wufei, flinging back the curtains: And it is a beautiful day! _Immediate unintelligible background yelling._

_Camera swivels to all four other pilots writhing. Camera shakes._

Wufei, laughing: RISE, WORMS!

____

 

[Video]

Duo, _off camera_ : Will you put the fucking phone down for two minutes and just eat? 

_Image of a plate, gently steaming. Buttermilk pancakes generously topped off with fluffy scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, the works. Looks professional._

Wufei _:_ I will, I’m just impressed, considering the state of the chef.

_Duo, groaning. Camera pans to Duo opposite, grey-faced, bundled in his hoodie, lethargically pushing eggs into his mouth._

Duo: Nooo… _Pulling his hood over his eyes._ You should never look at the chef. Don’t look at the kitchen. Just eat the pancakes you’re given.  

Wufei: Sound life advice for the ages. 

___

 

[Video] 

_Image too dark and blurry to make out. Snickering, hastily muffled. Someone saying ‘shhh!’ The image clears as a hand is removed from the lens. The hallway of the house, near the living room door._

Duo, _whispering:_ Ok, ok, no you stay here or you’ll ruin it. 

Trowa, _likewise_ : No, I won’t.

Duo: Yes you will, clown feet. Just stay. _Image wobbles slightly as Duo puts out a hand and very gently opens the living room door. The room is sunny,_

Duo, _whispering so quietly he’s barely audible:_ It’s about 11. Someone’s finally switched off… _he eases through the doorway, and tilts the camera round enough to show Wufei, dozed off in an armchair, book slipping from his fingers. Stifled giggling from Duo. Image pans to his hand; he’s holding a squirt bottle._ And a 3-2-uh!

_Image wobbles mightily, and then refocusses on Quatre, on the outside of the living room window, glaring like the living death._

Duo _, weakly:_ or er…

_____

[Photograph]

_Wufei still in the armchair flat asleep, except someone’s now left a blanket over him and put the book to one side._

_Caption: We decided he’s earned a break._

_____

END OF RECORDED LOG


End file.
